I feel lost this week. So let’s talk about feelings!
What defines a feeling? Merriam Webster defines feeling in two ways. The first is “ appreciative or responsive awareness or recognition”. The second is “an emotional state or reaction”.
Time to break it down. Yes I know we are not in second grade anymore and this seems a little ridiculous; trust me. When you are up to your neck in anxiety understanding why or how you entered that state of stress will help you leave it. So the first definition, means that you have to RECOGNIZE your state of being and become aware of it. This requires a measure of presence and emotional intelligence of the self, understanding what your body and mind (do not separate the two, they are dependent on one another). The second definition is the emotional state or a reaction to an action. For example, the boy threw his sisters baseball in the lake, his sister felt angry at her brother and sad the ball was gone.
I feel lost. This could mean that I actually feel lost, like I am stuck in the middle of the scorching Arizona desert with no water, food, gas for the car, or map to guide me. I’m still in quarantine so that’s not even a possibility for now. When I say I feel lost, I say this because I am stuck in my house and I am recognizing my lack of control in my day-to-day. Yes, I am taking classes in architecture and sociology, I am practicing yoga, eating a salad (maybe two a day), running on occasion, reading, drawing, and challenging my mental capacity. I still feel lost, I feel like I can’t continue my old routine, and have to change and adapt to a new one.
Change is something that I have always claimed to be a proponent of. Now that I am faced with CHANGE (that I feel the effects of, as well as the people around me, and quite frankly the entire world) I realize how humbling this experience is and how everyone is dealing with this CHANGE. I stopped running after injuring my ankle about a month ago, 7 miles into a run and I trip over a rock the size of my thumbnail. As soon as it happened I knew how bad it was, I’m a tough cookie - I don’t cry when I get hurt on the field. Swelling quickly and throbbing, my ankle was yelling at me, telling me you over did it; you pushed yourself a little too hard and now you’re going to have to take a break and recover. My preferred release outlet just evaporated but, for once I was going to listen to my body.
It’s been a month. Let a medical professional examine the join (just a bad sprain, yayyyy); I’ve been icing, stretching, and only walking on it when I want to. It feels so much better, and on May 1st I ran on it, with big thick nike tube socks on under some chunky Asics runners. It felt great, I practiced presence and breath work, holding my core and listening to my joints. That’s when I don’t feel lost, I feel present and focused.
Let’s use the Feelings Wheel to analyze the thought pattern of emotions we experience when present in situations. Start at the center of the wheel. Identify with the feeling labeled you most connect with at the present moment. Then span out to the next ring of options. Finally, speak with yourself, attempt to expand to the final ring of feeling labels and connect with the most pointed and specific “feeling” option. I am making a commitment to using the feelings wheel and practicing expressing my feelings rationally utilizing this tool. Looking at the wheel, lost is not an option to choose from. Moreover, I don’t think lost is an accurate depiction of my emotion; I think I am scared not sad and following my thought pattern I think helpless or insignificant is a more appropriate description. Woah, wait a minute, I am helpful and driven; I make dinner for everyone almost everyday and clean the house on the weekend. I don’t feel as helpful as hospital workers or grocery store employees, but I am still helping others how I can. Insignificant may be the most appropriate. That’s ok, feeling these EMOTIONS does not change who I am or create my actions; just recognizing these feelings allows me to understand what I need to do to help myself.
I am not sure if this can help you but a friend of mine showed it to me once and it has helped significantly during the q. Hopefully it can help you if you feel but can’t understand.